This year

What do I see for this new year? Rick my anglophone dad always says that the number 8 is for new beginnings. 2008.
These days I hear alot of challenges about being active in Christ. To put action to my thoughts. I know I have a hunger for higher knowlegde of Christ, to become like Him. I have a passion or fire in me that wants more of this life. We’re only travelers passing by this earth, right? So what do I do to make a difference around me.

I know I can’t change The World, or save the third world from poverty, hunger and disease.
I am not even trained to help people in serious need.

I was talking to Dustin tonight, about the futur, our impact in other people’s life. And I asked him if I would be ready or good enough (à la hauteur) to take on those plans we have in mind. If I would be capable to handle life, or to invest myself into people in great need (like church, the first nations, our community)?

I’m not capable enough to take on situations and get a grab of my life. It made me realize, once again, that it’s not about me doing stuff, and me helping others, and me having an impact on people, and me saving the world, nor me making a difference.

It’s been a while since that thought is in my head, but I’d like to share a little what God showed me. You know how it’s been hard for me to live in an english world, with english church, english songs, english friends, ordering english muffins in english, ect. And I began to think that I was losing myself, my personality, my identity.
For those who know me in french, you know how out-going, happy-clappy, leader, clown and entertainning I could be. But if you’d be here, you would find me in a corner, smilling and nodding. I listen so much more than I talk (maybe that’s not a bad thing) and my joke are bearly only visual. That’s not me! I hang out alot with myself, and I like it?! I mostly have 2 real friends and when you get together, I just follow the flock because I’m too shy to say what I think or suggest. Anyways, I won’t go too far in that ‘cuz I could go on with things I do that don’t fit with ‘the real me’. (all this because english is not my mothertongue)

I cried alot at night feeling so…not myself. Like losing who I really am, betraying my personnality.

But you know what God made me realize?

It’s not me that lives in this body. I decided years ago to die and to let Him live in me.
So one of my resolution or prayer for this year, is to learn to die.
If Jesus truly lives in me, and if I really want to show his life in me, I must continually die to myself. That means that if Jesus wants to live in english right now, I will let him do that! Without complaining that I’m losing my personnality and I am not myself anymore… well good. That’s what it suppose to be like! Not you, Jesus in you.

If it seems to radical for you, or it’s something obviously basic for you, well it’s where I’m at now in my life.

ANECDOTE

Dustin and I bought a cd to Rick and Marci for Christmas. It was Keith Green. I didn’t know who he was. When we went to the coast they put it on and it sounded old, like in the 70’s christian music. They both were really touched with the music, because Keith Green impact their generation troughout us and canada, (maybe more). They’re was a song called: So you want to go back to Egypt, or something like that. I started to jump in silence in the car (cuz Dustin was sleeping) I knew that song! Actually, I realized that my parents used to listen to the same cd but in French when I was a kid! Wow, the extend of his ministry was large. I encourage you to google Keith Green and read his story, it’s really inspiring.